sex joke.

i can’t even blame it on the booze

i can’t even blame it on the coke

i know you should be home with her

but you taste like sin & smoke

here comes where the beat drops

your gaze cuts to me & that’s when

this is the part where i give in

& relapse to bad habits again

there’s tequila roaring in my ears

all these flashing lights get me excited

i’m fucking burning

i’m fucking flying

& you know you never need to be invited

i’ll tell you any lie you want to hear

i’ll be any fantasy you want to play

i’m never learning

always half dying

& i know it’s wrong but i’ll do it anyway

i know that i’m awful

& i know this would break her heart

i push the self hate down with sabotage

& i’ll rip myself apart

here comes where you’ve got me against the wall

& now you’ve got your hands all over me

this is the part where you give in

we could never let a neat ending be

there’s pills rocketing my entire system

your party girl, your good time

im the curtain call

im the neon lights

go on & tell your friends you’re not leaving with them

you’re perfectly out of reach, you’re never mine

i can always do it all

im all yours tonight

& when you head out the door i’ll be just fine

i don’t want to know what you’ve been up to

i don’t want you to ask me how i’ve been

i don’t want white pickett fences

just a round of shots again

you could never hurt me

someone else already made sure my heart broke

so go on & blame it on the booze, love

we were never more than a sex joke.

—wolfcalls

all i ever do.

i’ve been rerunning old situations

breakdowns, relapses, frustrations

wishing every night that you’d call.

knowing i’m holding on to nothing

say i don’t care but i’m bluffing

wondering if you miss me at all.

you keep throwing back the same sentence

of your best claim of self-defense

saying you needed to hurt me to take care of yourself.

did you forget i wrote you a thousand love letters?

but maybe i should’ve known better

they could’ve filled books but now you burn down the whole shelf.

& i know you’re off somewhere right now

with a new life as i wonder how

you trashed your promises like they weren’t treasure too.

& i have to pretend i don’t mind

that i’m left here behind

trying my hardest to be happy for you.

& i hate that even as you’re pinning me with the blame

i still love you just as much all the same

a stupid dreamer believing something’s meant to be.

fantasizing life like a scene from a movie

where you turn around say you’re sorry

& fall asleep every night beside me.

& they tell me to move on from the past

good things never last

yet here i am still trying for you.

& don’t you remember when you promised me every sunset?

the rooftop conversations outweigh my regrets

do you remember? because that’s all i ever do.

–wolfcalls

ithaca lights

i’ve spent almost a full year now

memorizing every part of you

spun off from a one night stand

& completely fell right through

& i’ve spent a long time now

blocking my vision from the end

borrowed time tainting sunlight

no one wants to lose their best friend

& i know it wasn’t always perfect

know we colored outside a lot of lines

but know to me it was more than perfect

–everything was perfect when you were mine

& i swear i could’ve loved you

for the rest of my life

swear i could’ve spent all my years at your side

even walk down an aisle in white

& people always change over time

& i know we will too

but i was still betting on us

wanted to watch every sunset with you

& i know even the best love songs

always come to an end

but i’d put this one on repeat

play it over again & again

& i loved you with everything i had

–i swear with nothing less

there wasn’t a bar i wouldn’t have tried to clear

nothing i would’ve been too proud to confess

& i know you can’t relive the past

or how things used to be

but i hope that when this town lights up at night

it will always remind you of me

–wolfcalls