whenever someone tells me angels have wings
i laugh because they don’t know a damn thing
crosses on wrists written in dark pink
missionary doesn’t show you god the way that you think
and they tell me i’m something of a headcase
or such a waste of a nice, pretty face
like i was ever able to let go
like i didn’t make a noose out of his halo
tell me your sins lying inside the dark
tell me how stained glass left a burn mark
i’ll never again be golden
but it was worth it just to hold him…
-wolfcalls
you don’t think i notice the way you look at me
but believe me i do
it’s like your eyes go straight past my body,
unhesitatingly straight through
but of course that’s all just in my head
at least that’s what you said.
i don’t know how to talk to you
don’t know how to get the words out
trying to spark that conversation
& end up circling in unending roundabouts
don’t you know how much i love you?
what I’d give for you to still love me too?
& i know i was never your favorite
i’ve never been an easy one,
but i’m still frozen in disbelief
that you actually called it quits & said you’re done
you know that you still feel like home?
but now I’m driving away all alone.
& do you know how much I want to say:
I miss the laughter
& i miss the movie nights
i miss the evenings
baking cookies under christmas lights–
the only time you didn’t mind washing the dishes;
& in springtime blowing out candles for birthday wishes
i miss the inside jokes
me admitting to something you already know
i even miss that stupid garden
that you insisted that we grow–
you would shake your head at that part,
but believe me, i mean it with all of my heart
& i miss the summers
when you’d get me iced coffee
how you’d randomly break out
singing beatles songs off-key,
i used to wake up early every morning just to say goodbye
before you left for work, & if i didn’t i’d cry
& they say you outgrow things in life
so you can begin something new
but i never once thought
i’d end up without you–
you said you’d be there forever, give me all that you’ve got
but i guess forever wasn’t as long as i thought.
now all those days i used to dream of being over
have left me longing for just one more
& you pack my things in boxes
& lock the front door
you never used to do that– even when you weren’t here
there isn’t a note, but the message is clear
& maybe this is just reality now
maybe there’s no going back to then…
but just know that my schedule’s always got space
for iced coffee again
maybe i’ll see you around town, passing in cars;
ghosts of a promise, & tough love-induced scars
–wolfcalls
i’ve spent almost a full year now
memorizing every part of you
spun off from a one night stand
& completely fell right through
& i’ve spent a long time now
blocking my vision from the end
borrowed time tainting sunlight
no one wants to lose their best friend
& i know it wasn’t always perfect
know we colored outside a lot of lines
but know to me it was more than perfect
–everything was perfect when you were mine
& i swear i could’ve loved you
for the rest of my life
swear i could’ve spent all my years at your side
even walk down an aisle in white
& people always change over time
& i know we will too
but i was still betting on us
wanted to watch every sunset with you
& i know even the best love songs
always come to an end
but i’d put this one on repeat
play it over again & again
& i loved you with everything i had
–i swear with nothing less
there wasn’t a bar i wouldn’t have tried to clear
nothing i would’ve been too proud to confess
& i know you can’t relive the past
or how things used to be
but i hope that when this town lights up at night
it will always remind you of me
–wolfcalls
how do you tell someone you love
that
no matter how hard they will try
(& believe me, they will try)
they cannot make your mornings brighter
cannot sew back the red lines on your wrists
cannot repaint the sunset from it’s washed out desaturation.
how do you tell someone you love
that
it’s really not them, it’s you
that it was your mistake, really, )to be so naive that you thought that someone else could be the difference)
that if someone loved you, maybe you could love yourself
how do you tell someone you love that
it doesn’t matter how hard they love you back,
in fact, none of it matters.
how do you tell someone you love
that
they are enough,
to die for…
just not enough to want to keep living for.
–wolfcalls
everything’s been so loud lately.
my family. my college. my job. my inability to sleep, my ability to lose track of everything.
my lack of motivation. my loneliness.
my own head.
everything’s been
…
so loud/angry/pushy/confusing/chaotic/pulling/pushing/violent
crashing winds that are slowly tearing my body apart, splitting the seams at the thin red lines at my wrists, unraveling me just
li
ke
t
h
i
s
& honestly, it’s killing me, all if it is killing me bit by bit, piece by piece, i just don’t know how long it’s going to be until there’s nothing left at all…
–wolfcalls
got me head over heels like whoa,
silver lining all up in the sky like snow,
i know i’m tripping up on words,
all i’m trying to say is please don’t go,
pray to god that none of this falls through,
try to impress just like an interview,
i guess all that i’m trying to say,
is yeah, i’m pretty into you,
some shots are just too good to miss,
light me up like christmas when we kiss,
take it any way you want,
but i’d love to stay forever just like this.
–wolfcalls
i watch the way people light up when the leaves turn color,
ghosts and demons turned into games,
watching the oranges and yellows & reds and marveling in their beauty,
& i think to myself
what is it about us
that romanticizes
everything dying?
–wolfcalls
say you’re gonna treat me right
are you?
says he’s looking for the real thing
me too,
says he’s never gonna be too far
that i light his way like his north star
(yeah sure)
say you’ve just got something going on
you’re sorry
as if i’m supposed to give you my heart
for free
boy, i was never talking about what was in your wallet
but when i gave you my number i thought you’d at least call it
(crazy me)
i fell hard just for those green eyes
never seen a boy shine so damn bright
i only ever wanted you
never wanted your spotlight
why’d you make it sound like i said you weren’t enough
all i ever wanted was for you to show up
money might buy their hearts
but it won’t buy mine
bought me diamonds
but never buys me time
i know he’s gotta focus on that big name degree
just means he’s never focused on me
all dressed up on a saturday night
arguing on the phone again
couldn’t even be a face to face fight
i should be more patient
oh, is that right?
my friends all ask why you’re never around anymore
& i’m sick of apology flowers left at the door
they tell me that i’m lucky
doesn’t seem right
cuz i’m pretty sure
i’m not getting lucky tonight
let me guess, you’re just busy
got other places to go, other things to see
(why do i even ask)
saw i had a new boy
& you don’t like that
nah, you just want another target
to point your gun at
let me guess, i just wanna get rich
just another gold-eyed type bitch
(sounds kinda like bullshit)
i fell hard just for the way you laughed
thought i could spin a lie into romance
had a thing for a boy who took my hand
even though it turns out i didn’t stand a chance
don’t call me now & tell me that you still care
because when i look back you were never even there
i never asked for anything
except to be inside your arms
i burned down red flags
cut off all the alarms
i get it, you’ve got a lot of stuff to do
well so do i, & that excludes you
hope the next girl always makes you wait
ignores your requests
doesn’t even bother to turn up late
hope that apology flowers make your heart bleed
desperately realizing you’ll never be what she needs
i hope the whole world looks blurry on the way home
because i’ll be doing just fine, crystal clear on my own.
–wolfcalls
this is not some stupid little thing
this is an obsession, this is sin
this is not some sparkling frost fantasy
this is winter breaking your windows to come in
we wrote ourselves a twisted game
we knew at the start no one would win
but i forget how dark that this can get
when i see how moonlight drips across your skin
keeping my mouth shut
daring you to say something bolder
& i know it’s tearing her apart
but my girl takes it like a soldier
i know you think you’re cold
baby girl, trust me i’m colder
digging deep into my mind
like your nails into my shoulder
when i’ve got her pinned to the wall
at least it’s one way to hold her
just tell me you’ll look back on me when you’re older
this is not some stupid little thing
don’t tell me this is all inside my head
this is not some sparkling frost fantasy
dissipating in the morning from my bed
i could spin you a thousand lines
i could pump this romance full of lead
& no matter how this all goes
one of us just might wind up dead
everyone’s got her eyes on her
little lady effortlessly shining blinding bright
i’m leaving fist marks in the wall
because she’s someone else’s tonight
brass knuckles for promise rings
trust me i could put up a pretty good fight
i don’t even need your love–
just something good enough to write
& it’s pushing me towards the edge
but i keep it locked & out of sight
because too many emotions are a weakness, right?
this is not some stupid little thing
& you have no idea what the hell i need
this is not some sparkling frost fantasy
this will tear you open, make you bleed
this is a testament to all your lies
this is a ballad of human greed
this is a bullet inside your brain
salvation from a gun, fired & freed.
–wolfcalls
i know countless ways to say goodbye
i’ve memorized every shade of blue
i’ve had a lot of strangers hold me
but none quite the way you do
i’ve written eight thousand letters
none of which i ever had the nerve to send
i looked into those storm cloud eyes
& convinced myself this would never end
i learned the patterns of your heartbeat
in a way i never knew i could
& you took my hand & showed places
i never thought that someone would
we watched sunsets like we were on a high rise
watched the leaves change in the fall
i saw galaxies every time you kissed me
got butterflies every time you called
i’m so sorry that i hurt you
i hate that i can’t be what you need
& i’m sorry that when i love too much
all i seem to do is make you bleed
eventually maybe everyone says goodbye
& maybe this is where it all falls through
but just know if this is where the music stops
i’m honored to have had this dance with you.
–love, wolfcalls
