2 thessalonians 1:9

whenever someone tells me angels have wings

i laugh because they don’t know a damn thing

crosses on wrists written in dark pink

missionary doesn’t show you god the way that you think

and they tell me i’m something of a headcase

or such a waste of a nice, pretty face

like i was ever able to let go

like i didn’t make a noose out of his halo

tell me your sins lying inside the dark

tell me how stained glass left a burn mark

i’ll never again be golden

but it was worth it just to hold him…

-wolfcalls

iced coffee.

you don’t think i notice the way you look at me

but believe me i do

it’s like your eyes go straight past my body,

unhesitatingly straight through

but of course that’s all just in my head

at least that’s what you said.

i don’t know how to talk to you

don’t know how to get the words out

trying to spark that conversation

& end up circling in unending roundabouts

don’t you know how much i love you?

what I’d give for you to still love me too?

& i know i was never your favorite

i’ve never been an easy one,

but i’m still frozen in disbelief

that you actually called it quits & said you’re done

you know that you still feel like home?

but now I’m driving away all alone.

& do you know how much I want to say:

I miss the laughter

& i miss the movie nights

i miss the evenings

baking cookies under christmas lights–

the only time you didn’t mind washing the dishes;

& in springtime blowing out candles for birthday wishes

i miss the inside jokes

me admitting to something you already know

i even miss that stupid garden

that you insisted that we grow–

you would shake your head at that part,

but believe me, i mean it with all of my heart

& i miss the summers

when you’d get me iced coffee

how you’d randomly break out

singing beatles songs off-key,

i used to wake up early every morning just to say goodbye

before you left for work, & if i didn’t i’d cry

& they say you outgrow things in life

so you can begin something new

but i never once thought

i’d end up without you–

you said you’d be there forever, give me all that you’ve got

but i guess forever wasn’t as long as i thought.

now all those days i used to dream of being over

have left me longing for just one more

& you pack my things in boxes

& lock the front door

you never used to do that– even when you weren’t here

there isn’t a note, but the message is clear

& maybe this is just reality now

maybe there’s no going back to then…

but just know that my schedule’s always got space

for iced coffee again

maybe i’ll see you around town, passing in cars;

ghosts of a promise, & tough love-induced scars

–wolfcalls

ithaca lights

i’ve spent almost a full year now

memorizing every part of you

spun off from a one night stand

& completely fell right through

& i’ve spent a long time now

blocking my vision from the end

borrowed time tainting sunlight

no one wants to lose their best friend

& i know it wasn’t always perfect

know we colored outside a lot of lines

but know to me it was more than perfect

–everything was perfect when you were mine

& i swear i could’ve loved you

for the rest of my life

swear i could’ve spent all my years at your side

even walk down an aisle in white

& people always change over time

& i know we will too

but i was still betting on us

wanted to watch every sunset with you

& i know even the best love songs

always come to an end

but i’d put this one on repeat

play it over again & again

& i loved you with everything i had

–i swear with nothing less

there wasn’t a bar i wouldn’t have tried to clear

nothing i would’ve been too proud to confess

& i know you can’t relive the past

or how things used to be

but i hope that when this town lights up at night

it will always remind you of me

–wolfcalls

(800)-273-8255

how do you tell someone you love

that

no matter how hard they will try

(& believe me, they will try)

they cannot make your mornings brighter

cannot sew back the red lines on your wrists

cannot repaint the sunset from it’s washed out desaturation.

how do you tell someone you love

that

it’s really not them, it’s you

that it was your mistake, really, )to be so naive that you thought that someone else could be the difference)

that if someone loved you, maybe you could love yourself

how do you tell someone you love that

it doesn’t matter how hard they love you back,

in fact, none of it matters.

how do you tell someone you love

that

they are enough,

to die for…

just not enough to want to keep living for.

–wolfcalls

yours truly.

everything’s been so loud lately.

my family. my college. my job. my inability to sleep, my ability to lose track of everything.

my lack of motivation. my loneliness.

my own head.

everything’s been

so loud/angry/pushy/confusing/chaotic/pulling/pushing/violent

crashing winds that are slowly tearing my body apart, splitting the seams at the thin red lines at my wrists, unraveling me just

li

ke

t

h

i

s

& honestly, it’s killing me, all if it is killing me bit by bit, piece by piece, i just don’t know how long it’s going to be until there’s nothing left at all…

–wolfcalls

lucky number 13

got me head over heels like whoa,

silver lining all up in the sky like snow,

i know i’m tripping up on words,

all i’m trying to say is please don’t go, 

pray to god that none of this falls through,

try to impress just like an interview,

i guess all that i’m trying to say,

is yeah, i’m pretty into you,

some shots are just too good to miss,

light me up like christmas when we kiss,

take it any way you want,

but i’d love to stay forever just like this. 

–wolfcalls

leaves.

i watch the way people light up when the leaves turn color,

ghosts and demons turned into games,

watching the oranges and yellows & reds and marveling in their beauty,

& i think to myself

what is it about us

that romanticizes

everything dying?

–wolfcalls

apology flowers.

say you’re gonna treat me right

are you?

says he’s looking for the real thing

me too,

says he’s never gonna be too far

that i light his way like his north star 

(yeah sure)

say you’ve just got something going on

you’re sorry 

as if i’m supposed to give you my heart

for free

boy, i was never talking about what was in your wallet

but when i gave you my number i thought you’d at least call it

(crazy me)

i fell hard just for those green eyes

never seen a boy shine so damn bright

i only ever wanted you

never wanted your spotlight

why’d you make it sound like i said you weren’t enough

all i ever wanted was for you to show up

money might buy their hearts

but it won’t buy mine

bought me diamonds

but never buys me time

i know he’s gotta focus on that big name degree

just means he’s never focused on me

all dressed up on a saturday night

arguing on the phone again

couldn’t even be a face to face fight

i should be more patient

oh, is that right?

my friends all ask why you’re never around anymore

& i’m sick of apology flowers left at the door

they tell me that i’m lucky

doesn’t seem right

cuz i’m pretty sure

i’m not getting lucky tonight

let me guess, you’re just busy

got other places to go, other things to see 

(why do i even ask)

saw i had a new boy

& you don’t like that

nah, you just want another target

to point your gun at

let me guess, i just wanna get rich

just another gold-eyed type bitch

(sounds kinda like bullshit)

i fell hard just for the way you laughed

thought i could spin a lie into romance

had a thing for a boy who took my hand

even though it turns out i didn’t stand a chance

don’t call me now & tell me that you still care

because when i look back you were never even there

i never asked for anything

except to be inside your arms

i burned down red flags

cut off all the alarms

i get it, you’ve got a lot of stuff to do 

well so do i, & that excludes you

hope the next girl always makes you wait

ignores your requests

doesn’t even bother to turn up late

hope that apology flowers make your heart bleed

desperately realizing you’ll never be what she needs

i hope the whole world looks blurry on the way home

because i’ll be doing just fine, crystal clear on my own.

–wolfcalls

frost fantasy.

this is not some stupid little thing

this is an obsession, this is sin

this is not some sparkling frost fantasy

this is winter breaking your windows to come in

we wrote ourselves a twisted game

we knew at the start no one would win

but i forget how dark that this can get

when i see how moonlight drips across your skin

keeping my mouth shut

daring you to say something bolder

& i know it’s tearing her apart

but my girl takes it like a soldier

i know you think you’re cold

baby girl, trust me i’m colder

digging deep into my mind

like your nails into my shoulder

when i’ve got her pinned to the wall

at least it’s one way to hold her

just tell me you’ll look back on me when you’re older

this is not some stupid little thing

don’t tell me this is all inside my head

this is not some sparkling frost fantasy

dissipating in the morning from my bed

i could spin you a thousand lines

i could pump this romance full of lead

& no matter how this all goes

one of us just might wind up dead

everyone’s got her eyes on her

little lady effortlessly shining blinding bright

i’m leaving fist marks in the wall

because she’s someone else’s tonight

brass knuckles for promise rings

trust me i could put up a pretty good fight

i don’t even need your love–

just something good enough to write

& it’s pushing me towards the edge

but i keep it locked & out of sight

because too many emotions are a weakness, right?

this is not some stupid little thing

& you have no idea what the hell i need

this is not some sparkling frost fantasy

this will tear you open, make you bleed

this is a testament to all your lies

this is a ballad of human greed

this is a bullet inside your brain

salvation from a gun, fired & freed.

–wolfcalls

memorizing blue.

i know countless ways to say goodbye

i’ve memorized every shade of blue

i’ve had a lot of strangers hold me

but none quite the way you do

i’ve written eight thousand letters

none of which i ever had the nerve to send

i looked into those storm cloud eyes

& convinced myself this would never end

i learned the patterns of your heartbeat

in a way i never knew i could

& you took my hand & showed places

i never thought that someone would

we watched sunsets like we were on a high rise

watched the leaves change in the fall

i saw galaxies every time you kissed me

got butterflies every time you called

i’m so sorry that i hurt you

i hate that i can’t be what you need

& i’m sorry that when i love too much

all i seem to do is make you bleed

eventually maybe everyone says goodbye

& maybe this is where it all falls through

but just know if this is where the music stops

i’m honored to have had this dance with you.

–love, wolfcalls