you don’t think i notice the way you look at me
but believe me i do
it’s like your eyes go straight past my body,
unhesitatingly straight through
but of course that’s all just in my head
at least that’s what you said.
i don’t know how to talk to you
don’t know how to get the words out
trying to spark that conversation
& end up circling in unending roundabouts
don’t you know how much i love you?
what I’d give for you to still love me too?
& i know i was never your favorite
i’ve never been an easy one,
but i’m still frozen in disbelief
that you actually called it quits & said you’re done
you know that you still feel like home?
but now I’m driving away all alone.
& do you know how much I want to say:
I miss the laughter
& i miss the movie nights
i miss the evenings
baking cookies under christmas lights–
the only time you didn’t mind washing the dishes;
& in springtime blowing out candles for birthday wishes
i miss the inside jokes
me admitting to something you already know
i even miss that stupid garden
that you insisted that we grow–
you would shake your head at that part,
but believe me, i mean it with all of my heart
& i miss the summers
when you’d get me iced coffee
how you’d randomly break out
singing beatles songs off-key,
i used to wake up early every morning just to say goodbye
before you left for work, & if i didn’t i’d cry
& they say you outgrow things in life
so you can begin something new
but i never once thought
i’d end up without you–
you said you’d be there forever, give me all that you’ve got
but i guess forever wasn’t as long as i thought.
now all those days i used to dream of being over
have left me longing for just one more
& you pack my things in boxes
& lock the front door
you never used to do that– even when you weren’t here
there isn’t a note, but the message is clear
& maybe this is just reality now
maybe there’s no going back to then…
but just know that my schedule’s always got space
for iced coffee again
maybe i’ll see you around town, passing in cars;
ghosts of a promise, & tough love-induced scars
–wolfcalls
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